School parent orientations are starting. I remember going to those; listening to the teacher talk about curriculum and clerical issues. They had copies of the textbooks out for us to look through, sign up sheets to get people to bring napkins and cups for parties, and talked to us about having a place for children to do their homework at home. That was all fine. The orientation session that made the most impact, however, was an elementary teacher who took her place at the front of the room and started out by telling us how great our kids were. She went on to talk about all the things she understood. She knew that some parents had young children, blended families, messy divorces, stressful jobs and gave everyone a little slack for the underperformance we all feared as school aged kids’ parents. She said she’d gone through everything in her lifetime, and was very convincing. We all came to know that she was someone who had feelings.
She talked of how much fun she had with this group of children and how smart they all were. She made it clear that expectations were high, but exceptions would be granted unconditionally when times were tough. She treated us like adults who were trying our best to do the right thing.
When you go to orientation see if you get a sense of what kind of person that teacher is. Is the person a bundle of nerves? Disorganized? Serious? Stoic? That doesn’t mean a darn thing on its face. Give him or her chance to unfold. Speaking in front of a group of parents is much harder than leading a class in a chorus of Goober Peas. Listen for them to mention how they feel about your children, what they have planned for them and how much they are allowed to take ownership of the classroom they will spend most of their time in for an entire year. How does that teacher build a classroom community so that they care for one another and keep competition on the playground? Does that teacher require students to solve problems with one another with one another? If there is a lot of point keeping, it’s a red flag. It could be a sign that this teacher doesn’t trust that his or her teaching will draw out the natural willingness of children to work and learn. The more students are manipulated by externals, the less we get to know who they really are. Do they have a chance to goof up? To make bad decisions? If not, they are being deprived of the lasting impression a bad decision leaves.
If your child’s teacher goes on and on about curriculum and rules, you may want to think about asking that teacher what his or her teaching philosophy is, what his or her feelings are about children and why they work with that particular age level. A teacher who finds kids remarkable human beings in the primes of their lives will create a classroom where children can thrive, grow, depend on one another and push themselves to understand more. There will be the occasional snapping of rubber bands on each other’s backsides, but all in all the community created will be one that is real.
P.S. When you go, don’t ask the teacher how your child is doing. We are in a hurry at the end of orientation and want to get home after what turns out to be an 11 hour day. “Fine.” is about all we’ll be able to muster.
