Since the presidential candidates have to go through some sort of prime time religious vetting process in order to head a state legally bound to separate itself from religion, I started to wonder about this as a premise for all American hiring processes. Imagine being on a selection committee in search of a new kindergarten teacher. You have come up with two people quite qualified for the job, so you hand it over to the nun who will be running the forum over at the Shorewood Library. During that time, she will focus her questions on stewardship, leadership, worldview and America’s role in the world. Let’s see, how would that go?
“So, Miss Johnson, what have you done to improve the lives of people in your community under the age of six?” That would be a toughie. About all I’ve done for kids in my neighborhood is not yell at them if they run across my lawn. Oh, one night at about 11:00 I let some teenagers know that if they kept up the loud laughing and screaming someone would call the police. They didn’t need to know that the “someone” would be me.
“I see here that you were a Brownie Troop leader. Very good. Very good, indeed. How do you think your experience as a Brownie leader will help you when the bus shows up at school for a field trip you forgot to cancel? How does this kind of leadership help the school secretary who set the trip up and who is in charge of all the money you never gave her? What kind of food can you leave on her desk to make her understand how truly sorry you are?”
“Mr. Taylor, you always tell your class to learn as much as they can about the world, that there is a great big world awaiting them, but the music teacher is teaching them the song, “It’s a Small World“. How would you handle that hypocrisy? What third song could you teach them, so they understand that it doesn’t matter how big the world is or isn’t, what matters is that all people understand America is the best country in it. “
“Of course you are a proud American, sir. When you travel, how do you present yourself to others? Would you say you were the camera wearing, map reading, backpack lugging, loud speaking version of an American, or would you say you represented the quiet, thoughtful, still water running deep kind of American who speaks or hears no evil, who walks everywhere because they can’t figure the money out, and who keeps ordering the same food all the time because it’s the only one you know? What plan do you have to convince the rest of the world they should be like us, or at least put written stuff in English?”
The nun finishes writing her notes, closes the notebook, thanks the interviewees and looks at the rest of us. “Remember, tomorrow the candidates for the 3rd grade spot will be interviewed by Rabbi Bernstein.
Can I hear a big Amen?
