It’s almost March. Thank goodness it’s another month with a holiday, otherwise what would we do with a classroom of kids and no X-Box? In case you haven’t noticed, over the years schools have become quite a conduit for preserving our traditional (yet as it turns out pretty un-American) holidays in the minds of future revelers and consumers. Not until I started to research origins did I find their historical significance fascinating and hilarious. With the exception of April Fool’s Day, which celebrates harassment, we ought to do away completely with holiday hopping as curriculum design.
Halloween, as you all know, is a cocktail of pagan and Christian traditions and cultures. Treats were bribes to keep former, now dead, tenants out of your house or “pay for pray” type deals that encouraged tricksters to give away perfectly good, home made cake for a prayer sent up on your behalf. This was called “souling”. I’m pretty sure there was a lot of laughter coming from the mouths full of cake just weaseled out of good-hearted, guilt ridden homemakers. The natural and supernatural combined for one special night, like Cinderella. This has morphed over the years into our pop-culture, corporate freak show preceding the "ask a stranger for candy" gorge fest. Explain that to first graders.
Thanksgiving forces us to give thanks to, I assume, God. We never say that in public school, of course, but it is implied much like, “Do you like your new haircut?” implies that the inquirer certainly doesn’t. So far, we’re two for two in the non-separation of church and state holiday tally.
December and Easter are hidden in the terms “Winter and Spring Break “about as effectively as a five year old disappears behind his hands while insisting you can’t see him. Four for four.
February and March bring us the parade of saints. Priests seem to do particularly well during this time of year. Valentine and Patrick. Sounds like a law firm. We wear symbols of the trinity (which you may remember from Sunday school) and have little kids look for leprechauns (short guys who live alone, wear leather and supposedly make shoes). That’s six.
I must say the two holidays I would vote to maintain are April Fool’s Day, which basically mocks people for not keeping up with the news, and May Day, which of course, encourages mindless dance around a huge phallic symbol. In schools, however, we just stick to the basket of flowers hanging on the doorknob part. Teaching about holidays in historical terms would just take all the fun out it.
If we have to go down our list of special days in order to know what to teach, let’s do it with days that aren’t so British Isley. Let’s stick to American holidays that don’t offend anyone. Holidays we can all relate to and rally round, sans the pole. For example, the celebration of the mattress on President’s Day and red, white and blue corn chips on the 4th of July. We could throw hamburgers at each other on National Fast Food Day and celebrate American baseball by wearing versions of the beer can hat with rubber tubing that when dried forms the letters U-S-A. We don’t need those old, dated, depressing foreign holidays anymore.
Say, did you know that March is National Macular Degeneration Month?
